Aside 19 Dec

Once, or even twice, I lay in bed next to John F., thinking, “This is someone close; this is a big part of my life. This IS my life, his respiration like any other mammals, his humanness like any other man. I never could explain intimacy; is that what this is?”

For the first 15 years of our marriage he had a retainer on his bottom teeth. It had been in place since he was a teenager. His mother explained that his orthodontist had died. She remembered him fondly. Odd for such a cold woman. I really can’t say. It looked as if he had amalgam fillings on his eye teeth. I’d mention it every 2 or 3 years. He was not inclined to deal with it, despite the fact that several run- of- the- mill dentists had told him to have it removed because it could be a harbinger of dental caries, and general decay. No run of the mill dentist was willing to remove it, though.
Eventually half of it broke off. I just happened to notice. Again he was without concern.
“preoccupied with bigger things”, I’d think.

But his head was merely empty.

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